Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We need to get me chipped asap
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
