ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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