dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
