i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
