Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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