Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
