her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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