The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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