i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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