im gay
i know
yea but for you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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