Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
