Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
