nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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