Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
