Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
