well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
