Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
