I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's blow job season.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
