hotel room ftw
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
