The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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