do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
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