so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
