This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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