he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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