i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
