Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
