Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
