So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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