I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Don't make out with my wife yet
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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