mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
