he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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