it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
