Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
