So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
