First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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