just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
either way he was missing a nipple.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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