its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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