I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
