Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
