I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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