Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
