i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
