Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
