A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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