I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize