I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
