I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
