spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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