I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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