my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
