You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
