please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
