please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
