I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
