I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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