He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
