If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am naked and annoyed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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