just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
