If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
