get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
