do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
