She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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