he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
